I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
by Alien925
Summary: Nothing to do with the song, so don't worry!!


Title: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus  
Catorgory: Mulder/Scully married Humour  
Author: Alien925  
Disclamer: Yesterday, Chris Carter asked me to take all the characters of the X-Files off   
his hands.. free of charge. Then I woke up and realised that the X-Files belong to Chris and   
1013.  
Summary: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus  
Spoilers: None that will actually spoil an X-Files ep for ever.  
Classification:   
  
  
I SAW MOMMY KISSING SANTA CLAUS.  
By Alien925.  
  
The pillow is itchy beneath my ears as I listen from my bed for the sounds of sleigh bells in   
the night.   
Mommy put me to bed an hour ago, since then, I have stayed under the covers, wide awake   
listening.   
If I catch this man in the act, maybe he'll give me a few more presents if I don't tell anyone.  
  
My name is Emily Mulder. I turned five on 24th February 2005, the day after my Mommy's   
birthday. She said I was the best birthday present she could ever wish for.  
I don't see why, cos Daddy and Mommy shout at me sometimes.   
This year, I'm hoping Santa will bring me a play doctors set. Mommy has one, she won't let me   
touch any of the nice shiny things though. I also want a new furry alien. Daddy bought me one   
when he went to a huge city called Nevada, one weekend. I dropped spagetti-o's on it though when   
I was feeding it dinner. Mommy washed it but then all the color faded. Its a sort of mushy  
green now, it was bright green before. Daddy told me to call the alien Diana.   
I don't know why though.  
  
  
I sigh quietly just in case Santa is listening and poke my head out of the covers. I sit   
perfectly still and wonder for a few minutes if Santa can see me sitting here, waiting for him   
to come and visit. Does he really know when I've been naughty?  
Suddenlty I hear a sound from downstairs. I silently creep out of my door and check that  
Mommy and Daddy's bedroom door is closed. They'll put me back to bed if they know I'm up.  
I creep to the top of the stairs and hear footsteps in the living room. I creep down the stairs,   
carefully avoiding the third from last step, which I know, from other stealthy 'Christmas visits  
downstairs', creeks when you step on it.  
  
  
I peer into the living room and gasp. Santa is putting lots of presents under the tree. A   
light is on in the kitchen. Mommy must have left it on so Santa could see the carrot I left for   
Rudolph the reindeer.  
I watch as Santa lifts the last two gifts, a scrunchy, then a sqishy present and puts them under  
the tree. All the presents are now under the tree. I wonder how Santa is going to get out of the   
house. We don't have a fireplace.  
  
  
Santa goes into the kitchen and I hear voices. He must me talking to one of his elves.   
" So.. Santa.." I hear Mommy's voice comming from inside the kitchen. I resist the urge to go  
and confront Santa but stay put out of sight outside the living room door.  
" ....did you bring me anything good for Christmas." My mothers voice sounds funny, and low..   
I wonder whats wrong with her. Maybe she's trying to be good so Santa'll give her an extra   
present. Why did Santa just growl?  
" I did get you a little something...." I hear Mommy moan. Santa must be hurting her..   
I rush to the kitchen door without a sound, then stop.  
Samta is eating Mommy!! He has opened Mommy's shirt and is eating her!! I look around for Daddy. He must be upstairs.   
I wonder if this man is called Consortium. I've often heard Daddy say that Consortium hurt Mommy.   
Suddenly Santa stops hurting Mommy and he kisses her!! I've seen it on the TV and on the front  
of a video daddy keeps in his sock drawer.   
  
  
Mommy is kissing Santa Claus! I don't believe it. Where's Daddy, she normally kisses Daddy.   
I know about kissing. One person puts their lips to the other persons and they hold onto each   
other.   
Sometimes Mommy and Daddy stay like that for a long time, then they realise that I'm watching   
and tell me to go up to my room and play.  
I wonder whether I should call for Mommy, I decide not to, Daddy might be cross with me for   
getting out of my bed.  
" Best christmas gift I could get Santa." Mommy says. I don't think that eating her was a   
very good gift. It looked painful.   
" You just wait, there's more later." Mommy moans. Santa must be hungry. He's   
eating her again.  
" Santa?" Mommy asks. " Don't you ever get any presents?"   
" I've already gotten quite a couple of good Christmas presents." he answers. My ears prick up  
in spite of the situation, I never knew Santa got presents.  
" What did you get Santa?" Mommy asks. I think she wants him to go away, her hands are on his  
red suited chest and she seems to be painicking. She's breathing very fast.  
" I got a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter."   
My eyes grow wide in shock. Santa has a wife! Why was he kissing Mommy? And why was Mommy   
kissing him? Where's Daddy?  
" I'm gonna give you another Christmas present." I formed images in my head of Mommy hitting   
Santa or shooting him. Get him away. I'm not so sure I like Santa anymore.  
Mommy kneels down and undoes Santas trousers. He has alien shorts on underneath.   
I am amazed. I didn't know Mommy was so cruel. When I was very little I once threw one of my   
plasticy toys between Daddy's legs - accidently - of course. It must have hurt him. He let out  
his girly scream and I swear he was nearly crying. Later he told me that that hurt a lot. I   
asked him why. He said to ask Mommy. I did. Mommy said Daddy was a wimp and could take   
anything 'hitting' him 'there' and he just 'exploded'.   
I assumed that he exploded in pain. But there must have been some hidden meaning to that   
sentance cos Mommy started to laugh hard after she'd said it and Daddy gave her and evil look and told her not   
to talk like that in front of me. I didn't get that.  
Anyway. I was so sure Mommy was going to punch Santa between his legs. If it hurt him as   
much as it hurts Daddy, he'll go and leave us alone.  
I hope so. I don't care if I don't get any presents any more.  
Suddenly Santa piks Mommy upp into his arms.  
" Lets take you to bed shall we. My elves said I was naughty this year. D'you think you   
can think of a 'suitable' pushment for old Santa."  
" I'm sure I can," Mommy said. " We'll soon see if Santa's that old.."  
They began to walk towards me.  
I dived for the stairs and ran up them, wisely missing the third step. Once safely in my room I  
stopped and listened. Maybe Santa was taking Mommy back to Daddy. I hear them climb the   
stairs. I peep round the corner. I see Santa has taken off his trousers and now wears just his  
jacket and shorts. I watch as they walk down the corridor to Mommy and Daddy's bedroom, before   
the door shuts I hear Santa mutter,  
" I don't care what you say Scully, this Santa suit is not kinky. Its just hot."  
I frown. Daddy would be in the bedroom and he would fight off Santa. Soon enough I hear   
Mommy yelling   
"Mulderrrr!!!!"  
[Thats my not really my dads name. Mom just calls him that. He  
once told me he doesn't like women who call him by his real name.]  
Daddy must be saving Mommy from Santa Claus. I drift to sleep with the knowledge that both   
my parents are safe in the next room.  
  
  
The next morning a bound down the stairs and find Mommy and Daddy in the kitchen. When I come  
in, Daddy quickly shoves something red in the cupboardwhere the plates are.  
" Hey honey." Mommy comes up to me and hugs me. " Ready for presents?" I nod enthusiastically  
and go into the living room to the tree.  
" Mulder!" Mommy yells from the living room, "..come watch Emily open her presents."  
Daddy comes into the room muttering something about not being as young as he used to be.   
He hands me a sqishy present.   
" Look what Santa bough you Emily." he says.  
I immediately put the present down. Remebering last night.   
" Did Santa visit last night?"  
" He sure did hon." Daddy replies.  
" Why was he eating Mommy then?"  
Mommy's face gets red, so does Daddy's. They look at each other.   
" Yes," Daddy looks over at Mommy, " Why was he eating Mommy?" he asks Mommy.  
" I guess he was just being naughty. I didn't mind. It was a good type of hurt." Mommy looked at me.  
I frowned "I don't like Santa." I admitt.  
" Then he won't come again, believe me honey." Mommy tells me.   
She seems to glare at Daddy.  
I think Santa's has his share of pleasure for a long time, I assure you he won't be 'comming'   
again." I nodded pleased, I barely hear Mommy mutter,  
" In any form." under her breath.  
Daddy looks like he's been deprived of something. I offer him a present from under the tree to   
make whatevers wrong up to him.  
He smiles and I begin to rip the paper of my gifts.  
I did get the doctors set. But I didn't get another Diana alien. I did get a purple dinosaur.  
I don't think Daddy like the purple dinosaur. What is an evil and henious force anyway?  
  
END  
  
Thanks for reading this fanfic. Something that I thought of about 2 seconds before I started   
to write it.  
Please please please give me some feedback.  
alien925@isback.com  
  
  
Thanks.. Bye!!!!  
  
  
  
  



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